Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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