Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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