You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
