Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize