idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You dont lie about slip and slides
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
