Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When are your genitals available?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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