I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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