Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A+ Viking dick
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