We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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