If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
