Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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