Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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