Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
