Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
