Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
