I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
