trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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