im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You made out with two different species that night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
