dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
