No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Text me some of your sweat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
