i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
