I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
