There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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