Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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