Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
