bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you never un-have a 4some
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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