its not stalking. its research.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
