How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
