I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
