Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
