it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had sex on a dog bed..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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