There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
home. puking in laundry basket.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
