i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
