I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So squirting runs in the family.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
