I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
