Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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