my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
