smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
