My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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