We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
