Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
