Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
