Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
