P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
