I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
