The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
