Who wears a wallet chain?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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