Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
