If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
