reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
