oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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