my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
