last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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