I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
