I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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