I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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