yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
