No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
