I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
