i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You ever have a fart follow you around?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
