I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize