chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
