some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
