I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
