Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
