Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
