Say something about gay babies.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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