I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
