dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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