Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
