I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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