He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
