Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pants are for mortals
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize